and my head won’t stop pounding.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve always been the worry-wart, so to speak. Not just out of my friends and family, but everyone who I seem to come in contact with. Everyone seems to cool, calm, and collected compared to me.
I don’t know if that has to do with my feelings lately, but I can’t help but pick at the comparisons in my spare time. The thought is always around in the back of my head: what is wrong with me?
No one else around seems to be quite so…anxious all the time.
And, lately, it’s only gotten worse.
Going out into places that I know are going to be crowded freaks me out. Just being in a crowd makes my hands tremble. Even in school, in between classes, all someone has to do is slam their locker (which, y’know, happens quite a bit), I jump, and I can feel my hearbeat increase hastily. It’s irritating, if nothing else.
Not only that, but my mind refuses to SHUTTHEHELLUP&LETMESLEEP anymore. Everytime I close my eyes, my mind wanders…to every shallow, meaningless conversation that I had that day. Every single one. And they are replayed in my head time after time, no matter how much I try to stop it. And all I can think about is what I should have said, and how what I did say sounded like I was a freakin retard, ’cause I’m socially awkward and all that jazz. (& if you got the reference in that last italisized part, I love you) =X
And then apparently I’ve been bitchi (-er) lately than I ever am – according to like four friends. I know it keeps getting easier and easier to make me grind my teeth, but I thought that I did pretty good at hiding the eye rolls and biting back the crude, sarcastic remarks. Sure, some slip, but for the most part, I think I was doing pretty good. But apparently not. Ugh.
I don’t know what all this nonsense is about, just that it’s pissing me off, and I’m hoping whatever is going on with me lately stops. And soon. =X
/edit: fuck you tags. don’t work. see if i care.
